You Don't Have to Figure This Out Alone: Finding Support After Pregnancy and Infant Loss
If you're reading this, chances are you're in the middle of one of the hardest things a person can go through. And I just want to say, before anything else, that I am so sorry.
Whatever you're feeling right now is valid. There's no right way to do this. There's no timeline. There's no checklist that will make the pain go away.
What there is, though, is support. And finding the right kind of support can make all the difference.
Why Pregnancy and Infant Loss Hits Differently
Grief is grief, but this kind of grief? It's its own category. The grief that comes with pregnancy and infant loss tends to be more intense, more pervasive, and more persistent than other kinds of loss. It shows up everywhere: in your body, in your home, in the way the world keeps moving when yours has stopped.
Here's something worth sitting with: your grief is not a problem to be solved. You are not broken. You have been broken open and the only way through is to actually move through it.
The only cure for grief is to grieve.
That said, grief doesn't exist in a vacuum. For a lot of people, there are other layers showing up alongside it, anxiety, depression, trauma, the resurfacing of old wounds. Understanding what you're dealing with can help you find the support that actually fits.
Your Grief Lives in Your Body
Grief isn't just an emotion you think or talk your way through. It lives in your body. It's physical, it's unpredictable, and it doesn't follow a neat set of stages even if you've heard it described that way.
What you will experience is a kind of cycling. You'll move in and out of different feelings, sadness, numbness, anger, longing, maybe even unexpected moments of okay-ness, and then back again. That's not regression. That's just how grief works.
Give yourself permission to feel all of it.
Some of the most healing things you can do are also the simplest: look at photos, hold a blanket, go through a memory box. Take time in the car or in the shower or right before sleep to just be with your heartache. It doesn't have to be structured or productive. It just has to be real.
Creative and movement-based outlets can also be incredibly powerful, writing, painting, pottery, gardening, running, dancing, time in nature. These aren't distractions from grief; they're ways of moving it through your body, which is exactly where it needs to go.
One gentle note: occasional avoidance is a normal coping mechanism, and sometimes you genuinely need a break. But habitually numbing out or shutting down can slow the healing process and take a real toll on your physical and emotional health over time. If you notice a persistent feeling of detachment, that's worth paying attention to.
You Might Be Dealing With More Than Grief
Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders — PMADs — are the number one complication of pregnancy. They're more common than preterm birth, gestational diabetes, or preeclampsia, and yet most people have never heard of them.
One in six people with "healthy" pregnancies will experience moderate to serious symptoms. If you've experienced loss, your risk is even higher. And importantly: non-birthing parents are equally at risk for anxiety, depression, PTSD, and complicated grief.
PMADs are not weakness. They're a medical reality, and they're treatable.
Trauma is another layer that often goes unaddressed. As Dr. Peter Levine describes it, trauma isn't just what happened to you, it's what gets held inside you in the absence of someone who really witnesses it. When our nervous system experiences something too fast, too overwhelming, or too out of our control, it gets stuck and without support. That stuck energy can show up as dysregulation, disconnection, or feeling locked in the past even when you desperately want to be present.
If any of this resonates, finding a trauma-informed provider isn't just helpful, it's essential.
Finding the Right Support (and Knowing It's Okay to Look)
Here's the thing about support: one size absolutely does not fit all. What helped your friend may not be what helps you. What helps you in month one may not be what you need in month six.
The quality of your relationship with whoever is supporting you, the trust, the safety, the sense of being truly seen, matters more than any specific modality or approach. A compassionate, attuned relationship with another human being is genuinely healing. Don't underestimate it.
Some people thrive with individual therapy. Others find peer support groups transformative, there's something irreplaceable about being in a room (or a Zoom) with people who get it without you having to explain. Many people find that a holistic approach, one that addresses the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual dimensions of their experience, is what allows them to really process what they've been through.
Some alternative and complementary approaches that many grieving parents have found meaningful:
Energy healing (Reiki), acupuncture, and craniosacral work
Sound healing and movement therapy
Massage and bodywork
Mindfulness and breathwork
MindBody coaching or somatic practices like Havening
Art therapy and expressive writing
Naturopathy, aromatherapy, or Ayurvedic treatments
Spiritual practices, ritual, and ceremony
Working with psychics, mediums, or intuitive healers
Whole Life Doulas or loss-informed midwives
None of these are "out there", they're tools. And you get to choose what resonates.
You Are Allowed to Grieve — and to Carry Your Love Forward
Your grief is the mirror of your love. You can't have one without the other. And as painful as that is, it's also something kind of profound: the depth of what you're feeling is a measure of the depth of what you had.
Grief is a process of transformation. Not a quick one, and not a linear one. But with time, with support, with space to actually feel what you feel, it can lead somewhere. Not to a place where the loss doesn't matter, but to a place where you can carry it, and still have a life.
You don't have to do this alone. And you don't have to figure out the right path on your first try. Reach out. Try things. Find your people.
You deserve support that actually meets you where you are.
If you're wondering whether this kind of support might be right for you, I'd love to connect. Discovery calls are free, no-pressure, and a good way to just talk through where you are and what might help.